Why do I feel so good whenever I look at them?

Why does it feel so good to inflict the pain?

Am I punishing myself? Am I satisfied with it?

There are so many fucking reasons behind all this.

I'm just feeling really desperate and worthless and full of shit right now.

RPing and writing fic and music and all those other distractions make me happy.

But I just can't seem to...come to terms with whatever the fuck this is.

Why do I feel so disgusting and worthless and alone all the time?

I just...I can't.