Hello friends.
I don't know if it's the weather, the stress, the depressing music, the atmosphere, or if it's just me but I haven't been doing great.
I'm starting to question whether or not I'm okay anymore.
I still get excited.
I still get happy sometimes.
I'm active, I'm making new friends, I'm making a difference and my dreams are slowly becoming a reality in front of me.
But - there's that feeling of sadness. I need to cry but nothing has been sad enough to make me destroy my lungs and burn my eyes.
Everything inside and out hurts life holy fucking hell. My legs burn and I still continue to carve away at them, being at 0 days for the past 3.
What the fuck is going on? I feel so devastated - so depressed - so out of it.
I noticed my writing is getting fucked up too. I'd write something then come back to see it as gibberish.
And it sucks now because everytime something remotely bad or heart breaking happens, I feel like someone pushed a knife into my chest.
I need to cry, I really do.
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BernyPop, I don't think you want to hold this in. Try talking to someone about it (siblings, close friends, etc.). Try getting some endorphins into your body. Trust me, I know this as a fact, as someone who has gone through something like this: let it out. Holding it in won't do anyone any good. I don't want you hurting yourself or those around you.
ReplyDeletethis comment is not meant to hurt you in any way. we are not here to judge or patronize you. we are writing this comment because we care, whether you believe it or not, we do care. and we try to understand. so you see you are not alone.
ReplyDeletedo you realize how scary it is to find out that someone you love is doing things like "cutting" herself? what would you do in our position? or does that even matter? when you do hurtful things to yourself, you are not just hurting yourself, but all those who care about you. how can we understand if you don't talk to us? so help us understand and talk to us. we are here to listen. just remember that.
thanks.
love ahteh & loraine.